i’m art journaling – something i love to do. it’s another extension of my creativity. it allows me to create intuitively without worrying about outcomes since it’s only for me. i have a couple of “normal” art journals and then i have my submissive art journal which is what i’m playing in now. i always receive a message and tonight’s is:
true sluts know their place
of course, i love it. i never know what message will come through but it’s always right on and usually something i need to hear. i wasn’t even planning to share this with you when i signed on to blog about my truth but there you go. it wanted to be shared. hopefully, it resonates with you.
what i really wanted to share with you is my truth, my real beliefs around all this submissive and Dominant stuff. i’m fairly new to all of this and am endlessly fascinated. i only started writing erotica less than three years ago. it still amazes me that it’s been that long and then it feels like it’s been forever. i feel like i’ve had some sort of sexual awakening over the past few years, something i hope continues for a long time.
i grew up being told that men and women are equal and that i needed to be 100% independent at all times. while this made sense at the time and got me through a good portion of my life, once i got married, it didn’t seem to work anymore. in fact, it started to rub me raw.
i didn’t realize this was the issue for a very long time – until about three years ago when i started writing erotica. i hadn’t planned to write erotica. i’m a contemporary romance writer and had wanted to practice descriptions. i started writing short snippets using lots of descriptions and erotica came out. over one year i wrote three books (you can find them here). but more important than that is i started to learn more about myself and my beliefs. i started connecting with the submissive part of myself.
i’ve learned in my travels (mostly online) that most submissive women are strong and independent. they can make it on their own. they’re equal in the sense that they should have the same rights as men in the world. i believe in equal rights for all. but they’re not the same as men. that’s the difference. and most submissive women i’ve encountered know this beautifully.
men and women are psychologically and physically different. i think it’s valuable to recognize and appreciate our differences. i’m talking mainly about hetero men and women since i’m mostly hetero and know nothing about other types of sexuality. i’m not meaning to exclude different types of sexual orientations here but i’m simply writing what i know. i would never even try to begin to talk for you.
i don’t believe that one sex is superior to the other but, as a submissive, i love the idea of being inferior. for me, it’s about establishing a state of mind that helps me to dive deeper into my submissiveness. as a submissive, i choose to be inferior in the sense that i hand over my independence and choice to another. i want to be commanded and dominated. I need the release of choice.
i’ve always believed in the freedom for consenting adults to do whatever they want as long as they’re not hurting others. this was before i bumped into the beautiful eye-opening world of bdsm. consent is vital, especially in D/s type relationships. i don’t believe ever in harming anyone without their explicit consent. there are enough submissives out there who want whatever you want to do that you don’t need to force it on someone who doesn’t want it.
i believe that women submitting to their man, even in a very vanilla type way, can make their relationship much smoother and easier. i’m not saying the woman has to do whatever the man wants. that’s not consent. but i do believe that most women would be happier not trying to control everything all the time. i say this because i am/was a total control freak and have been working on letting go of the reigns. it’s been challenging but slowly i’m seeing a positive difference in my relationship. if you’re married or in a committed relationship, i highly recommend The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace.
i’m still exploring my submissiveness and this whole fascinating world it’s opened up for me. i’ll continue to share as i journey further into it. if you have any wonderful submissive-oriented blogs and/or websites, please comment with them below. i’d love to hear from you.
Very spot on on the dominant/submissive dynamic.
I can relate to what society, religion, and mores shape you and the conflict it poses on ones psyche.
thank you, Chef. it’s challenging to navigate these waters at times, especially with society screaming about equality on all levels.
In BDSM we hurt but try never to harm. Paddles, floggers, crops, hands all cause pain, or the term I prefer sensation. That releases the pleasure hormones and ideally cause the float or sub space. The intent is never to cause lasting harm. Bruises and welts heal, the redness fades quickly. If done properly both parties get their release, their desires filled and proceed if not better at least no worse for wear.
Harm on the other hand is not accepted in the community.Harm can be loosely defined as any act which leaves the submissive worse off than before. Abuse in whatever form beyond consent is publicly disavowed and there is a constant battle in most communities to keep it and the perpetrators weeded out.
i love your perspective of hurting but not harming. i never saw it put that way but that’s exactly it. no harm but there can be pain. i never thought i’d be one for pain but i’m discovering that it’s something i wish to explore. the thought of it turns me on. i agree that abuse is not acceptable ever. i always wish that my work doesn’t lead people to believe that abuse is acceptable.